A little bit of this, and that

I know the first part of this post is something I posted on my Facebook. It is literally copy and paste becasue I want to be able to look back at that post. The rest of this post is a little bit of an update treatment wise.

Here’s one of those ugly, behind the scene, no sucking in the gut, no fancy clothes or perfect hair, real life pictures. This injection hurt. It was a mix between how Nick gave it to me, and the aches and pains my body was already feeling from yet another medically forced period. I’ve gained about 15 pounds since starting these treatments a couple months ago. I’m breaking out, constantly tired, sore, and emotionally and mentally exhausted. A year ago today Nick deployed and I was just a week deep into menopause. I was supposed to be pregnant now. We were supposed to be blessed with a chance by now. Yes, what this process will create IS going to be beautiful, but the process itself... there’s no beauty in it. If there is, I have yet to find it but really hope I do!

I have recently enrolled in a 16-week fitness challenge and I am super excited about it. When Chuck got home in October I weighed 132-135 pounds. We went Keto for a couple of months, and when we were not keto I was not eating much - I find it hard to eat when Chucks gone, cooking for one is not something I have mastered yet! When I was working my Assistant Director position I was eating only dinner. Somehow, I have managed to gain almost 30 pounds in 5 months. I was told before starting treatments that they would cause weight gain (along with other side effects), but never did I imagine I would gain this much weight so fast. That has been, hands down, the hardest part of these treatments. Giving up my body and my confidence to these treatments that are supposed to give me a baby, and they are not even working. I start the challenge on Monday, March 19. It is three times a week at a Martial Arts place for 60 minutes a session. I will be following a Paleo meal plan at the same time. I know, I am doing what I need to do for this baby. I know, it will all pay off in the end. I know (to some of you) I am beautiful still, but I cannot feel any of those things right now. I am praying that losing all of this weight will help the treatments a bit.

In the meantime, I finished a month of shots and pills. However, I feel like there has been a big mistake made. As I have mentioned before, I take Provera to get my period, on day three of my cycle I start Gonal and Femara, on day ten or twelve I go back in for an ultrasound to see if the treatments have worked this month. I called the doctors office on day 1 of my cycle to set my day 10 appointment. The appointment should have been March 5-7 sometime. The office told me they wanted my appointment to be day fifteen of my cycle this month. They made the appointment for March 15. At that time of me making the appointment, I just said: "okay see you then". Realizing just this past weekend that they made my appointment for day 20 of my cycle, meaning I missed the window of ovulation (if I was ovulating at all). Meaning I will most likely not be able to tell if last month worked. Meaning I wasted a month. I do not know where the mistake was made. I know I should have counted days also, but I took the date the lady on the phone said and trusted it. I am so disappointed in myself and the office. Unless this was a big misunderstanding and, for some reason unbeknownst to me, V wanted to see me on day 20 then I do not know what to say. I usually start treatments on day 21 so I am sure this was a mistake.

Nick and I started the IVF talk. I called an office in Raleigh NC (2 hours and 25 minutes or so from us) and got the info I need to set up a consultation. We know the ONLY thing that will delay this is finances (insurance does not cover IVF), and we will cross that road when we get to it.

Sorry for the lack of post, and the unusual grey mood in this one! I have had so much going on in life lately and I need to sort of find my way again. I am getting there though!

Keep praying Team D!

xoxo, ALD