The First Few Weeks

A collection of photos that show the raw moments of the first few weeks with a newborn.

A lot,, if not all,, women have a photo of them crying when their baby is put on their chest. I wish I could say that I was crying for the sole reason that she was here, but this was my first raw and real moment of having a baby without my husband. The second she came out, it had hit me that he was not there, and I was doing the most beautiful thing we will ever do, without him.

You said you wanted raw photos, this was when Asher was constipated, Ezra was exhausted and wanted me to hold him. And I hadn’t slept in 36 hours and was feeling horrible because I couldn’t hold both my babies.

There are multiple raw photos- NICU time is hard. It’s mentally exhausting. It sucks. I saw Greyson quit breathing and I was told for days that my baby was going to die. The one holding him, was at 8 weeks old. He wanted to be held, I was trying to pump, he was getting fed via g tube, I was bawling because I didn't think I could keep doing that. I was so physically and mentally exhausted. This hard hard road overwhelmed me beyond words that day. In that moment.

Pumping for my 3 week old who didnt gain weight while nursing.

I was exhausted, she had been fussing on and off, super gassy, and it seemed like nothing I did was comforting her, so finally I took a few deep breaths, prayed, picked her up, and just held her, we cried together, and finally she fell asleep.

Watching Vic in the NICU.

So this is my 3rd child Rylan. He was a very very very very waited for little man. His oldest brother was 4 years older than he, but his brother before him was born just over 12 months beforehand with a neural tube defect, he was "incompatible for life" on his due date, I conceived Rylan. When I found out I was pregnant with Rylan, I also found out I had an 8cm cyst that had encased my right ovary and tube, and it played host to 2 tumors. They encouraged me to abort. I said no. Everything happens for a reason, and At 16 weeks I had surgery, knowing it was a high chance this little boy wouldn't survive. I had my right tube, ovary, Endo, the 8cm cyst and my appendix taken out and he had survived. He was born on the 17/3/17 (saint pattys day) with a huge mop of red hair. My little rainbow leprechaun. After he was born he wasn't a very well little boy and had a cows milk protein allergy. So he was awake for days on end screaming and this photo was around 3 am when I needed help staying awake, and a shower was the only time he didn't scream in pain.

While I was pregnant I was so excited to try breastfeeding. I went into it knowing it would be hard and that there was a chance that I wouldn't be able to do it as my mom and sister bother couldn't. But I wanted to try anyway. The day came, my sweet daughter came into the world. She latched perfectly. We thought things were going well! We went home and my 8lb 12oz girl went to 8lbs even in 5 days. We were told to increase the amount of times for feedings. We did. Another couple of days went by. She wouldnt sleep much. She was so cranky all the time and we couldnt figure out why. Well one night, at 3 am, she was screaming and I was crying and I looked at my husband and said I can't do it. I caved and gave her formula. I felt defeated. She ate the entire 5 oz bottle and then slept for 4 hours straight! I thought more about it and started pumping, interested in what the problem could have been. It was taking me a week to produce enough for a whole bottle. A WEEK. So the first 10 days my daughter was here she ate a grand total of roughly 6 ounces. That's it. I pumped daily every 3 hours, even at night. Just to give her what I could. I did this for over 2 months hoping my supply would come in. It didnt. So, my daughter is formula fed. I'm not mad. Fed is best. And she is a happy chunky healthy baby!

This picture is so much more than a milk drunk cutie. I had struggled with my milk coming in and was about to give up. She has lost almost 12% of her body weight and I just wanted to give her everything she needed to thrive. Thankfully my milk came in and this was her very first milk drunk selfie.

Him getting upset with me.

Postpartum belly and breastfeeding.

xoxo, ALD