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The Medical Dictionary defines infertility as:
"the failure of a couple to conceive a pregnancy after trying to do so for at least one full year."
Of course, we fail at a multitude of things in life. This morning I failed at showing up to work on time. 8 years ago I failed my first high school Spanish class. It happens. To put the word "fail" next to something as beautiful as pregnancy and conception, almost makes it feel like a dirty word. It makes it feel like more than failing to take a good nap, but instead, you are failing at one of life's most beautiful achievements.
It is in the way we treat infertility and the ignorance surrounding it, that gives it this dark cloud, keep it to yourself, mentality. That is what we need to stop.
What if I told you infertility was not always because of the woman?
What if I told you men can suffer from infertility?
What if I told you a woman could have a successful pregnancy, concieve the old fashion way and then suffer from infertility her second child?
What if I told you that 1 in every 8 women suffer in silence from this?
My followers know my story, they know my failures and my accomplishments throughout this journey. I have been open enough to share not just the exciting moments, but the white wall days too. Something so beautiful that has come from this blog is the people I reach. My biggest achievement to come from this blog is spreading infertility awareness because, by educating even just one person, you have shed the tiniest bit of light into that dark cloud.
Below are a series of quotes I have collected from women whom I mostly do not know. They are women struggling in silence and finally finding a way to share a piece of their story. I hope that you all take the time to read these, some of them at least, and understand what it takes to be 1 in 8.
To the brave women who contacted me to be featured in this blog post, I pray for you. I pray for strength and courage through every step of your journey. I pray you look in the mirror and realize how amazing you are, that you are not alone. I pray you get your precious gift one day. Mostly, I pray that each and every one of you knows that even now, you are a great mom.
1 in 8
"I never imagined it would or could be this hard. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. I ask myself every day if I have the ability to keep doing this over and over and over again when I keep getting the same results. I feel like I am the definition of insane"
-Laura Ludwig, CA “Infertility is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life. I have only ever wanted to be a mom and I feel like my body is failing me. Our last hope is IVF and we pray that it works”
-Sara Reuter, CA “I'm just praying that I finally get to feel life growing inside of me.”
-Jazmine St. Louis, MO “This journey has tested my marriage and my friendships, but I will persevere because I was built strong, not broken and infertility does not define me.”
-Tina Mulé, NY “Find your support, whether it is a group or a friend that is also going through it. Someone who can relate will make the journey more tolerable.”
-Krystle Hite Tampa FL “I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. Nobody truly understands what I’m going through unless they have gone through it.”
-Brigitte Bahre CT “I remember when twins felt like the dream that felt too big to dream - the thing that happens to the lucky ones. I connected deeply with this feeling on the day of our transfer. I got a sudden rush of emotions, then goosebumps and tears. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with twins, first pregnancy ever. They are 3.5 now. I look back on it all and feel nothing but gratitude. I’m proud to be an infertility warrior. It taught me to be grateful for the most precious things in our life. Most people take the ability to procreate for granted. Be grateful. That’s the number one thing I’ve learned. IVF was a big gamble for me, but the process was cathartic. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the most worth it. If I knew then, what I know now -what was at stake- Nothing on earth could have stopped me.”
-Ashley Blade-Martin (Tulsa, Oklahoma) “Infertility has changed me in a lot of ways. It’s shown me no matter how many times I have felt beaten, both physically and mentally, I am able to dust myself off and try again. I now feel more empathy and am more aware when others have pain in their life. It has taught me not to sweat the small stuff. It has strengthened my marriage. It has shown me a few friendships that maybe I didn’t need and drew me closer to others. Like some say, you can be bitter about your circumstances or be better. I am trying, albeit some days are easier than others, to be better every day.”
-Jennifer, NC “It sucks to know you have to pay thousands of dollars just for a chance of a baby while others get prego for free. All the while your marriage and friendship all get tested while you pump urself full of hormones. Then u truly see who your friends are and if your marriage will grow weaker or stronger. I got lucky still no baby but hubby is always there to support me, our marriage is stronger than when we started 2 years ago. Also, it sucks to hear have you tried this like we haven't thought of that or why don't you adopt like we don't deserve to have our own biological child. Also the struggle of miscarriage sometimes a couple in a row. It could take a couple years before you get a miracle baby or for some not at all. Infertility is a chance, not a promise. Infertility is still so much more than the things I mentioned. But I could go on forever about this topic. I am always vocal about my struggle to conceive and I will educate whoever will listen. It affects so many people but every1 is hush hush about it.” -Heather Martin Rock Island, IL “This journey is hard but God give his greatest obstacles to his strongest so that we can tell our stories and continue to give hope and knowledge to others”
-Chanay “I always thought that infertility only happened to those older couples. I thought as long as I was in my 20’s I wouldn’t have a problem. At 21 my husband and I started ttc. After 3 years of trying, we finally went through the tests only to find out that there was no possible way for me to get pregnant naturally. IVF was our only hope. It took a year of IVF before we finally got our little miracle. It can happen at any age and for a number of reasons. I’m grateful for this journey as I believe I appreciate my little girl more and I’ve learned just how strong I really am.”
-Amber from Ohio “It’s hard dreaming of the life my children will have, while simultaneously knowing that I may never get to meet them. You have so much hope and so much heartbreak all at once. I can only hope that something good comes out of it.”
-Meaghan Middletown, De “IVF makes you feel weak, broken and alone. However, that is probably the farthest thing from the truth. You are stronger, braver, and never alone for there are thousands of others who like you will do anything to hold a precious miracle in their arms and to call them their own.”
-María Velez, NJ “I never dreamed I’d be facing IVF as my only option but God knows and will see us through it all!”
-Trakena Price, TX “2 things you should never say; “you’ll understand someday.” referring to children, to someone who maybe never will. It’s like a big slap in the face. Or “it’ll happen in God’s time.” Do you really think God would bless bad people with children and make good people suffer if it was up to him? Because I surely don’t. And how do you explain that to the couple who can never have children?”
-Madison, Arizona “Infertility is the hardest thing I ever went through. Everyone makes getting pregnant look so easy, but the reality is that it isn’t for so many people. Everyone says ‘it will happen when the time is right’ or to ‘let God handle it’ but how is that supposed to make you feel better when you watch everyone around you getting pregnant and having babies and you’re still left empty handed with a negative test in your hand month after month. I felt like a failure, a failure for myself, to my husband, and to my family. I spent so many nights wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t have the one thing I had dreamed of my entire life, being a mom. We finally got our miracle baby, but the struggle we went through to get her is something I will never forget.”
-Carly Tribisondi, NC “The thought of never hearing “Your child looks just like you (or your husband)” or never holding a child that was biologically ours is what hit deep. IVF was worth all the debt and waiting those 3 years for our little miracle.” -Kaitlyn Burgess, NC “It saddens me that it’s 2018 and I still hear phrases like “Are you not upset that you never had a child that’s your own?” or “You shouldn’t call yourself a mother.” when people find out that I chose to adopt instead of pursuing something I didn’t have the money for to complete my family. My son doesn’t share my biology but that doesn’t make him any less mine. While I do understand the difference, others need to understand that there are many ways to make a family and that my family and relationship with my son is just as valid as if I had carried and bore him myself.” -Jennifer Squires, NC “I struggle with secondary infertility & it hurts when people say “at least you have one” or the constant question of “when is the next one coming?” We lost our second baby at 16 weeks last May and after my D&C we have not been able to conceive again. Many people don’t know that secondary infertility is about more than 3 million women are struggling with this in the US alone.” -Stephanie Harrison, IN “Hearing someone tell you that having children will be difficult at 21 and all you want is to be a mother.” -Cydnei Massengill, NC “My husband and I will never have children together due to cystic ovaries. It's painful to know I'll never see a miniature version of the man I can't live without.” -Anonymous
So keep praying Team D, for all of us.
xoxo, ALD