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If I have learned anything of value during my journey it has been that it is okay to not be strong. I have learned to accept defeat, failure, and that sometimes crying into a tub of ice cream is acceptable. I have also learned that all those feelings are not wrong. That having no reason to cry at that moment, is not crazy. I have learned how to look at my husband and say "I think I am sad today and I do not know why". I have learned that it is okay to not be okay.
I want to encourage all of you reading this to reach out to your strong friend. The person that you go to for every inconvenience in your life, ask them how they are doing. The girl that seems like she has it all together, ask her if she is okay. The best friend that tells you all the amazing things in their life, let them know that you are there for the bad things too. We have to reach out to one another, we have to stop assuming that the way we carry ourselves is the only way we feel.
I went through a lot of anger before this process. I went through a lot of self-hate, and self-blame for what we were about to endure. I questioned my faith and myself. It was a very rough time for Nick and me. I stopped cleaning my house, went straight from work to bed, did not cook or grocery shop, I neglected my husband and constantly sulked in self-pity. Nobody knew, nobody asked how I was doing, I continued to be everybody's go-to friend, and everybody assumed I was okay because of how I portray myself on this blog, and in person. Was I going to reach out for help? Absolutely not. How could I let people know I was suffering so bad without feeling even more defeated? If someone had reached out to me and checked in, not on the process, but on me, would I have been honest? Absolutely.
I got better, I had my husband to help me and let me be sad when I needed too, but pick me up and help me go on when it came to it. I got out of my dark place because I did not want to be there anymore. I opened up a couple of times on here about how much I was struggling and I feel like I was silently asking for help. I was doing exactly what you should not do, I was assuming people would realize how hard I was handling things and would reach out. I had so many messages telling me how my strength had helped people, and my vulnerability had made them stronger. It helped me hearing those things, knowing that through my suffering I was helping people. But, I still needed that one person to say "hey, I know this is hard, I know you are strong but are you okay?".
Far too often we look at peoples strengths and attitudes and we assume we know who they are. We run to the friend with the good advice and we become blinded by our own issues that we forget sometimes they may not have it all together either.
I NEVER want people to stop coming to me, I never want people to quit sharing their stories with me. I will always be your strong friend, I will always be a message away. I got through my dark place, I found the reasons to push through and I want everyone to know that you have reasons to push through too.
A text. A phone call. A wall post on Facebook. Reach out to your strong friend. It could be the difference between suffering in silence and feeling free.
xoxo, ALD
