No tags yet.
When we first started dating, many moons ago, I remember finding out you had PCOS and being told by the doctor how hard it would be to have kids. Honestly, my brain does not think that far ahead. I was just so in love. All I cared about was how I was going to spend tomorrow with you. You asked me if I wanted out, I think you were so silly for asking me that question. I did not want out back then, and I do not want out now or ever. I was okay with "struggling to have kids" back then and I am so okay with it now because I love you Amanda and I would not want to go through any sort of struggle without you.
Being deployed while your wife goes through Lupron was pretty shitty. I felt so bad I could not be there for her. Every time I called, it was bad news from her doctor's appointments, it was hard for the both of us but mostly on her. I felt horrible I could not be there to comfort her, there are just so many feelings and emotions that simply cannot be communicated over a satellite phone or Facebook message, but it was all we had.
Starting IVF, my first concern was money. How are we going to afford all of this? It still amazes me how we paid for it and how so many people have helped us out. People that we never even met before. I am truly thankful for those people. After the financial aspect was taken care of, my second concern was the medication and how they would affect my wife. I didn't want her to go through the whole Lupron experience again. Along with money and medication, there was coordinating with work so I could spend as much time at home with her as possible, which is extremely difficult in the military. Thank God I have an awesome chain of command and leadership that supported us and allowed me to make doctors appointments and gave me time to be with her - especially through the stims.
It was wild watching her follicles grow every doctor's appointment. There was definitely a lot of back rubs and foot rubs throughout the whole process. As bad as I know it was, I was happy to be able to be there for her during the stims. She is my hero, she took it like a champ and I am so proud of her for going through with it. The hardest part of the IVF process has been trying to keep her from going crazy and not focus on all the "what ifs", and more on positive results. On top of her sanity, being in sniper school requires most of my energy and time and not physically being there for her lately is hard. The rolls actually have switched and she is the one keeping me sane and holding down the house. I could not do this without her.
Giving my contribution was extremely awkward. Most of the staff is female and there is no way to hand a cup of your sperm to a strange lady and it not be awkward. It did feel good to finally do my part though. I just hope they have a good organization system and don't mix my sperm up with someone else!
It has been quite an adventure, I must say, and it is far from over. I am most proud of my wife, hands down she is the strongest woman I know. We plan on keeping all this documented so when baby D is old enough they can read it. So, baby D, if you are reading this I hope we have become best friends. I hope that you feel loved and that we have given everything we can to you, not just materialistic things but good character and a good heart. If you are going through the same infertility things that we are, spread the word about it. Don't get down on your situation when everyone around you is getting pregnant, be happy for them even if you are sad for you. You have to keep your head up and stay positive, always. Remeber, mom and dad loved you before you were even you.
Thank you to everyone who supports us, and much love to all of you.
ND