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I try to wrap my brain around what is happening tomorrow, and I cannot. I am not nervous, or anxious, and as weird as it sounds I am not even excited. I am just here. I get terribly random moments where there is a wave of nerve and excitement and I get a tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then it stops. As quick as it comes, it stops. I am the type of person that has to be in the actual moment to feel things. I am sure tomorrow while my legs are spread eagle and my bladder is disgustingly full, I will grasp what is happening.
This is weird, is it not? I am going to wake up tomorrow morning, have my cup of coffee and by 1030am, I am going to be pregnant. Nick is going to go to school, study, stalk, shoot, and come home to a pregnant wife. I spent all day running errands - putting gas in the car so it’s good for the four and a half hour round trip, got groceries so I didn’t have to worry about stressing dinner tomorrow, and shaved my legs (because let’s be honest, you lose a tad bit of dignity when you have 2 people, a catheter, and a defrosted embryo up in your junk). All of these preparations and it still has not hit me!
My entire life all I wanted was to be a mom - and a Disney princess but being blessed with a short stature made that one impossible. I have always envisioned being married, having a home, and peeing on a magic stick that will determine the rest of our life. I wanted a big moment to tell my husband and my family, lots of surprise and shock. I lost all of that when infertility became part of our life. What I have gained though could not be expressed in words. With one simple choice of opening up about our struggle, I have reached a community of people who have changed my life, just as much as they say I have changed theirs. I have been able to cope with every aspect of this. Now, instead of a secret announcement, we get to share it with people who have been on this journey every step of the way. How amazing is that?
Tomorrow’s appointment is at 10:00 am, I have to be there at 9:45 to meet with the embryologist and be introduced to the little embaby that survived the ice age. We get to see photos, know the cells, and learn about how it happened. The actual transfer will take no more than 15 minuets, then it is bed rest for the remainder of the day and back to life Thursday. Two weeks after the transfer I go back for a blood test to see if we are still pregnant or not. They strongly suggest you do not test at home but I may or may not have 4 home pregnancy test. Hopefully, I can be strong enough to wait (or end up buying more and testing every day for 2 weeks, the world may never know). I continue with the medicine I am currently taking, and if the pregnancy sticks then I continue the intramuscular injections for ten weeks.
Speaking of intramuscular injections, do not let the ease of injecting the needle fool you. No, stabbing a 2-inch needle into your hip does not hurt. However, be prepared to feel like you squatted your body weight the next day. Also, heat up the oil! These injections are so thick they take longer to inject than to prepare. I wrap my syringe up in a heating pad for a couple minutes or so and it helps a tad bit.
All Nick and I ask is nobody asks us if baby stuck. You all know a general timeline for test day but we will share (good or bad news) when we are ready. Other than that, kind words and prayers are always appreciated! They keep us going.
Keep praying Team D.
xoxo, ALD
PS- everyone ask if we want a boy or a girl. A healthy baby. A safe delivery. Oh, it does not matter. A perfect mix of us both. Those are the usual answers I hear whenever someone is asked: "do you want a boy or a girl?". They are probably the expected answers. But, do Nick and I ever do anything expected? A girl. I 100% want a tiny little princess, whereas Nick would adore for our firstborn to be a boy. I guess it is a good thing we did not pay the extra $8,000 to find out the genders considering we probably would not agree on which one to transfer!