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I try so hard to pride myself on being someone who people want to know. Someone who has a story worth telling. A person people can and want to come too. In the beginning, I felt like being that person was so much to do with this blog. That I had to keep up a social media face in order to be that someone. Pair that with my personality type and you just have a means for disaster.
I have never been one for routines. Workouts? Heck yeah, I hit them hard for about 2 weeks. Study routine? Sure. One day in my bed, one day at Starbucks, mostly 4 minutes before a test. The craziest part, to me, is I LOVE doing this blog. I just suck at it. I lay in bed most nights a mentally go over exactly what my blog will say, I type it out in my brain. Convince myself that I will publish it the next day, and never do. Insane. I’m actually laying in bed right now, it’s 10:20 pm September 25 and I am making myself do this. We will see if it gets posted. I have not done this in a long time but I will give a summary the good ol’ college try.
We are 12 weeks and 4 days along with our little Dallas Rose. This pregnancy has not been anything I thought being pregnant would be. I am honestly miserable in an entirely weird way. I am pleased to say I have not thrown up at all, not even once. But I have suffered from migraines 5-6 days a week, dizziness like no other, and lately horrible cramps that prevent me from even laying on my side. The beginning of this pregnancy was not a walk in the park either, I bled/spotted for 10 days at around week 5, and spent 1/4 of everyday dry heaving into the toilet until my body was aching. The transition between IVF patient and OB patient has also been hell. I still have not been seen by an OB (thankfully have my first appointment set for the 27th), and it took a mission impossible to get my last IVF ultrasound to be released. I am exhausted. Mentally and physically. I have this extremely persistent vibe that baby girl is actually a baby boy, and I honestly believe that is coming from my inability to believe I am actually getting everything I have ever wanted. I have not been able to accept the fact that this worked, that I have a piece of life inside of me. I keep waiting for things to go wrong, how incredibly horrible does that sound. I just cannot seem to wrap my brain around the thought that Nick and I got this blessed, a success on our first try, a little girl exactly what I wanted, a healthy pregnancy, not one time throwing up. How? How does something so awesome happen to me? I know, I need to let that go. I need to enjoy this and embrace the fact that we made it. I just cannot do that yet.
Since being pregnant I have been in the hospital 3 times, once for bleeding, once for severe vagina cramping, and once for a migraine that had my blacking out. Makes sense now why I am so scared, huh. I think the absolute best, my most favorite part, of being pregnant is Nick. I never in my life thought I could love him more, but the second he found out it was a girl, it is like he was reborn. I look at him so differently now, it is inexplicably beautiful.
Well, friends, I am proud to say it is September 26 and I am posting this blog. It may be 8:07 pm, but hey it is up!
xoxo, ALD