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I have said from the beginning, and I will forever say this, every single pregnancy is beautiful and every single baby is a blessing. It does not matter if you had sex to make them, a doctor made them for you, someone else was blessed with the ability to carry for you, or even your child was put on this earth by a woman who felt she could not personally care for them. Every child is a gift and I believe with every ounce of my heart
that babies are a small piece of God. How can we explain something so absolutely breathtaking, and beautiful, and filled with all the worlds wisdom, without believing that God is real? This thought will never change, but the one thing I know for sure is an IVF pregnancy is even more terrifying than IVF itself.
It is terrifying.
It is confusing.
It is slightly less exciting, and that is the part I hate to admit the most.
I cannot speak for everyone in the IVF community and I would never try to. This blog is purely my journey, my feelings, my trials and tribulations, and my victories. I will always be a voice for infertility, but in the end, it is just that, my voice.
IVF was hard, graduating my IVF clinic and becoming an OB patient was not what I hoped it would be. It was hard and confusing. It was calling the only OB office in my town and trying to make them understand I was an IVF transfer patient. Who would have thought that so many people in the pregnancy community would be so unaware of what this beautiful thing is? I graduated from my clinic at 8 weeks and was not seen by an OB until 13 weeks pregnant. Better than that, due to a miscommunication and no knowledge of IVF, that the first appointment was incorrect and Dallas and I did not receive the testing, care, and exams, that we needed. I did not even know this until I went back at almost 14 weeks for blood work and an ultrasound. I ended up back at the doctor's office twice in one day and finally got things figured out. I am not here to bash my OB office, or put people down, but this experience has made me even more dedicated to spreading awareness on this topic.
For the first time in 14 weeks, I felt like a pregnant patient and not a science experiment. Not an article that some doctor could publish, not another notch in a doctors belt. I could have cried right there in the doctor's arms when she sat down and actually listened to all my concerns. When I told her how horrible and miserable I have been feeling, and she made an action plan for me. I finally forgot, for even just a moment, that my child was a science experiment in a petri dish. She was important, and my worries and feelings were just as valid.
I will always say this, be your biggest advocate. In the infertility world, it is so important to push and questions and demand to know and understand everything. I have not stopped pushing and "complaining" about what I have been feeling and it has finally paid off. Since becoming pregnant, I have been suffering tremendously with migraines, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and dizziness. It has been brushed off at every single appointment as "welcome to pregnancy", until now. I have been referred to a cardiologist for a history of blacking out, that is now accompanied by these symptoms. I have been inexplicably exhausted, to the point where my entire body feels like it is just stopping. I cannot even do the dishes without needing to lay down. For the first time in 25 years, I have high blood pressure twice when being checked but, "welcome to pregnancy" right? Well, today I had an early glucose test and failed by almost 20 points. high blood pressure and exhaustion may be signs of pregnancy but they are also signs of diabetes. I now have an appointment Wednesday, October 10th for a three-hour glucose test to confirm gestational diabetes.
Every single baby is a blessing. Every single pregnancy is beautiful, is a gift from God. Every single IVF pregnancy is those two things and the absolute fear that you will fail. That after all the money, the 100+ injections, the surgeries, the loss, the physical and emotional exhaustion, you will still fail. The statistics will play in the back of your mind every single day, that IVF babies are 4x more likely to be stillborn, that 10% of ICSI babies are born with defects, that even though you beat the odds, it is not over yet. But, "welcome to pregnancy".
I do not want to come off as negative, as unhappy, or pessimistic, but if you have been following our journey or know us in person then you understand just how real all of this can be. We beat our odds, we got pregnant on our very first ever IVF cycle. We are having a girl, something I have dreamed about since I remember dreaming, we are happy and comfortable, and ready to take on what the world gives us. But, the one thing I know IVF pregnancies, natural pregnancies, adoption, surrogacy, IUI babies, accidental pregnancies, and assisted pregnancies have in common is they are absolutely terrifyingly beautiful and I am convinced that there will never be anything more beautiful than looking into your child's eyes.
Welcome to pregnancy.
xoxo, ALD